Price of Passion by Susan Napier

I decided to read the free Harlequin Presents ebook (out of 16 total all on this page here) offered as part of their 60th anniversary. Since so many books have the feminist criticism, I'm trying to do it from the pick-up artistry criticism angle. This is difficult because I'm a) not male b) not a pick-up artist (PUA). But, what the heck, I'll have a go.

Ch 1 & 2

Terms like 'neg', 'kino', 'SWPL' and 'bitch lawyer' have been floating through my consciousness. He's already been spotted with a hot half-naked redhead. It's not even page 28. The hero's already been a total angry man (aka Drake) and our heroine (aka Kate) is lying to the man's face, criticising him for suspecting her lies. It's all full of brilliant sexual tension, but a bit heavy on the infodumpage.

There's already a teeny twist not suggested by the way this thing began (but by other things such as blurbs. You don't read those, do you, you just skip straight to chapter 1!): these guys have history, which explains their wierdness to each other.

I like this Drake-delivered line: 'Don't tell me you're on one of those new faddy diets your mother is always suggesting you take. What is it this time -- South Pacific Colony? Kidney-cleansing Vegan?'

So far, Drake has been a bit heavy with the presumed 'negative' in 'neg'. Although he seems to have some basis for this. After accusing our Kate of being a consummate actress, he says:

‘So you just went ahead and trotted out your cheerful little spiel as blandly as if I was someone you’d never met before rather than the man you’ve been sleeping with for the past two years.’

Yeah, girl, what's up with that? She gives as good as she gets, implying he's paranoid and needs to be taken away by the men in white coats he threatened her with for her stalkery ways.

Her inner femininity is fighting off the bitch-ed her mother has given her, including such gems as 'Don't get mad, get even.' Ice cool sophistication is what she's fighting for, with Kate trying to speak about their history in business-like relationship terms. The man's not letting her have any of it, gets under her skin, confusing her about how he wants her to act and pissing her off.

One thing that romance novel heroes tend to have is a deep voice. I have an acquaintance who is nicknamed after a certain animal known for its high squeaks. He does not attract the women. Men, deepen your voice.

Ah, Drake has just used his eyes to caress without a touch. PUAs have probably talked about this. It's creepy if you don't establish attraction first. It really is. Please don't use admiring female anatomy as an opener.

Drake now negs her choice in clothing (well known by PUAs):

‘Bright, splashy colours suit you rather well in this setting. That dress makes you look very much the part…’ he trailed off suggestively and she obligingly snapped at the bait.
‘What part?’
‘The young, frivolous holiday-maker out looking for trouble.’
‘I’ve never been frivolous in my life,’ said Kate, offended.
He compounded the offence with a mocking grin that creased the sunfolds at the outer corners of his eyes. ‘Sorry, perhaps I should have said “carefree”…’
A lot he knew! ‘And I’m not “looking for trouble”, either,’ she added, far less sincerely.

Beautifully carried out if I say so myself. He's not outright insulting her and the long top-down look he gave her showed appreciation, but he's not really complimenting her either. He adjusts his language if she got offended by it, not acutally retracting what he said. The man's clearly not sorry. Now he takes her through a 'rollercoaster of emotion' (should be well-discussed between PUAs):

‘No? What about your handsome young fisherman?’
‘What?’ She took a moment to trace the origins of his non sequitur. ‘That was a joke.’
‘Was it?’
His cynical response make her hackles rise. ‘You know it was!’
‘Do I? ’He lowered his chair with a thud and leaned forward on the table, the amusement wiped from his face.‘Because it’s not as if there’s anything to hold you back from experimenting.We never promised each other total fidelity, did we, Kate?’

The man does not miss one verbal beat. Did I mention he's an author by trade in this novel? Unfortunately, Drake won the little verbal battles but not the match. Kate sensed what he was fishing for: her to go crazy and go madly jealous. She ended up with exaggerated calm, telling him that he could have his women and do his 'experimenting -- offshore'; this made poor Drake slip a little and lose his cool. She got control of her hormones long enough to point out how he was losing his cool and had just been causing a scene. Sorry, Drake. No sugar for you.

Classic Beta Plays

When you think of the beta: don't think of the romantic guy who knows what, when and how to do the right thing. Think more of the outcast, strange and unfit teenager who is hopelessly in lust with a bitchy cheerleader, labelling this 'love'.

Persistence (anti)game
There is a guy I think we may all know: perhaps he's a friend, or perhaps he's an acquaintance. Perhaps it happened to you or perhaps it happened to someone else. He will not give up. He will be there; he'll wait until you think he's given up but he hasn't. You will move countries, forget to take contact details and he will find you, possibly following you. Sometimes you feel like the lines into stalking may have been crossed. He will remain your friend, and you will have to be a complete and utter unsubtle bitch to get rid of him. He will take care not to cross that line. He will repeatedly reassure you of his affection, be the first to rush in at the remotest hint of emotional vulnerability, be the first to scoop you up on any rebound by being a 'nice guy'. He will think of himself as your valiant hero, there to rush in when you suffer. Let's be honest about what he's thinking here: he is alternately blaming you, being bitter at your -- to his mind -- cruel inattention or rejection and lusting after you. You represent something to him and he probably does not have a realistic picture of you. He is being obsessive and unstable. You will think his intentions are pure, that he is the nicest guy around but remember this: he is self-serving. He sticks with you because he knows that attrition will eventually win. It is a huge probability that he does not love you and that he simply can't find any women to distract from his attentions; they reject him and he uses you as a justification for this. He rationalises it is not that they reject him, it is that he is hung up on you so that his heart is not into it. He justifies the raft of alternate women he pursued by likening them to you (notice: they are nothing like you, except for select physical features). Stay away from a persistence man -- try to cut him off but if you cannot -- do not under any circumstances turn to him when you need someone. He will exploit this and you will regret it. Remember everything about what turns you off about him and don't let the rose-tinted glasses of friendship make you forget them: is he overemotional, clingy, strange in any way, odd-looking, abrasive, unempathetic, prone to misunderstanding or misinterpretation, overtly analytical of your actions or words, self-obsessed, excessively self-pitying, uneducated, unambitious, dependent, unfit, immature, moody, showing signs of suffering from a mental illness? Err on the side of being harsh.

He is not and will not be a friend; regardless of how friendly he pretends to be. He is poison.

Legacy by Lois McMaster Bujold

This is volume two in The Sharing Knife series. I suggest you read volume one (excerpt is quite long) before this review if you want to avoid spoilers!

I enjoyed volume one, Beguilement, which saw the union of our two protagonists. Here, Fawn and Dag must go to Dag's home and confront the Lakewalkers with their controversial union. Legacy is taken up a great deal by this. In essence, Dag and Fawn are having a honeymoon whereby he shows her his Lakewalker world, his self and his family. Although there was some considerable action later in the book, it was little compared to the constant movement and danger in Beguilement. Each person concerned was given the space to react to Dag's pronouncement at their leisure, revealing miles about their character meanwhile. Dag's identity is dramatically and has dramatically changed; this book explores this.

I didn't feel it too badly, because of Bujold's beautiful writing: spiffy & charged dialogue, gorgeous imagery and sparkling* characters. The escalating tension between Dag, Fawn and certain individuals in the Lakewalker camp could sometimes be as real -- if more agnosingly drawn out -- then strategising against a malice (the dark monster the Lakewalkers make it their quest to slay). It's amazing the helplesness this inspires as contrasted to facing great evil. You wish that the problems with your mother-in-law could be stabbed with a knife and then simply go poof, but that ain't happening, sister.

When the action heated up, Bujold brought out the big guns with a threat that was bigger than ever. However, things ended up a little too neatly in some ways but that's fine in this case because it would've been too depressing otherwise. Fawn was suffering from a case of terminal uselesness in this book so I'm glad she had a role. I breathed a sigh of relief at the ending -- which I'm not sure I could've predicted actually -- and there was a lot of uncertainty about it that I'm anxious to read the next book to resolve. This gets 4 marriage cords out of 5 from me.

*(pardon the pun)

You can buy it on Amazon here (US) and here (UK).

Fairest by Gail Carson Levine

I bought this novel expecting more of the same humour and subtle messages by Gail Carson Levine, as I'd found in her book Ella Enchanted.

I wasn't particularly happy with this book. Aza -- our heroine -- is constantly obsessed with her perceived ugliness. The theme of beauty, what it meant, what influence it gave, what price is paid for it runs throughout the book. As it does, indeed, in Snow White. I found the heroine herself lacking in some way: perhaps a lack of humour, a lack of a certain something that would make her loveable. She let too much of her identity become wrapped within her flaws, rather than her strengths. As I'm sure a lot of girls do (it's a rare girl who feels beautiful without hours of make up and preperation), I have issues with the way I look. I didn't feel like I connected with the heroine about this, however. Her reaction to feeling ugly was too exaggerated and not something you as the reader could fully empathise with. Similar themes were explored by Scott Westerfeld (Uglies) and I adore his treatment in contrast to Levine's.

The world itself was lovingly described, though it could sometimes be a bit 'crowded'; too much information about one scene at one time. Still, I felt quite immersed in it, particularly the descriptions of the colour 'htun'. A kingdom obsessed with singing's an interesting concept; there were some lyrical gems in there. However, mentally imagining them singing some of the lines they sang: too often without meaning, or rhyme, was painful. It would get very annoying as a movie.

Example of irritating sung line:

"Where is the pitcher?" ...
"Did Sir Peter"... "steal the pitcher?"
"But,"... "it's very large for stealing."

Don't get me wrong, I love randomly bursting into song. However: you just know that if it was someone constantly doing that in real life, you'd find aforementioned pitcher just to be able to bash them around the head with it and make them please God stop.

There was something lacking in the interaction with our prince -- Ijori -- who had a token flaw or two. I didn't really know him that well. I knew Ivi -- the new queen who is the center of the conflict within the book -- much better than most of the other characters. She was beautifully explored and much more real. I liked the glimpses of the secondary characters; however we did not stay long enough to know them properly. The young adult voice here seems to have held the writer back, stopping her from properly bringing everything truly alive.

While the themes and world were explored nicely, this book seemed to lack the soul, wit and sparkle I expected from Levine; as well as the engaging with her heroine.

This gets a 2.5 magic mirrors out of 5 from me.

You can buy it here (UK) or here (US).

News!!!

• The Guardian is updating their newspaper-y ways to get on with the twentieth century already! Those guys are so cool and with it!!
  
• These websites are my fav! I love bunnies so much! SO CUTE
• Neil Gaiman's worth is finally being shown to the whole (Catholic) world. However, some evil bitch dared to call him not hot! I have sympathy for the blind, but she has to be beyond blind not to see his waaay-out-of-this-word-from-planet-Zog-maybe hotness! I love Neil! I really do! You know, whatever you do, there'll just be these wierd people who just don't acknowledge they're lesbians. Get out of the closet already, girl! Even if she was a lesbian, though, she should be attracted to Neil. Nevermind, I won't waste any more of my limited brain cells on freaks!
  
• There's some beef happening between Dear Author's new literary agency and the Smart Bitches! OMG, no way are the SBs plagiarising but the DA's never lie! I don't know what to think! Here's some new evidence on the SBs side via a transcript of a chat with His Alphaness Lord Hawklencravenbearesfordvilleperegrineton (you know he's alpha 'cause of all that talk about restraining orders ;) ) of the International Consortium of Heroes.
• Ok, I'm going to come out of the console in the closet (LOL!!). I am such a complete geek!!! Check out the new D&D class (Witchaloks: keeping it nut free) and the new Diablo III class (Archivist?! AWESOME!!).
  
• Tor books are moving into ebooks. It's an interesting article: I learned a lot, like you need to sacrifice poultry to make them and to beware the pirates! They used cool terms like 'alpha geeks'! You should check out the rest of the website, there're lots of new articles today (Dr Who & Buddhism?!) and they've finally updated their spelling. It's actually phäntysee for example according to the new International Approved Fantasy Guidelines, section Language!
• Speaking of Dr Who, check out the new yummy trailer!
  
• Finally, the biggest news: Tokyojesusfist -- my secret love -- has gotten back together again with me (well, I found him again, lol! Such a slippery little thing) and the wedding is back on for next Friday the 13th. Just e-mail me for an invite!!
  

Romance Heroes are alpha

This video is of a trailer on a documentary:



I've put a specific start-time to draw your attention the comments on alpha heroes. The whole thing is worth watching as a taster to the romance genre as a whole (as well as the hilarity of the Mr. Romance over-the-top-ness; are those crazy costumes/characters really necessary?).

Thanks to Katie.

The Barefoot Princess by Christina Dodd

The Barefoot Princess is second in a series called the Lost Princesses. I was not aware of this because I do try and read from the beginning. Nevermind.

This is a historical romance, set in 1810 in Devon, England (thank you, first page of Chapter 1. You can be surprised how often it's uncertain where and when a book is set).

Our heroine, Amy, is an exiled secret princess of an obscure kingdom that turned (mostly) hardened criminal by the age of nineteen. She has two sisters: the other aforementioned lost princesses. Jermyn who is twenty-nine if I recall correctly is the injured marquess of Northcliff.

Amy has been taken in by an elderly spinster called Miss Victorine. The village and Miss Victorine are very poor and neglected by their lords, on the verge of starvation. They don't quite understand it, he was such a sweet boy. Guess whom the "official" guy in charge of the place? It's Jermyn, although his shady uncle runs the estate. Amy comes up with a plan: kidnap Jermyn, get the money and run for it pulling in Miss Victorine and the whole village into her plans. Of course the best laid plans of mice and (wo)men...

I quite liked Dodd's writing style and the twists & turns of her novel. I didn't, however, particularly like the characters' ways; they both resort to dodgy methods to secure what they want although often their hearts do seem to be in the right place. They're constantly fighting for dominance and I think the author felt that Jermyn had to display a lot of it to compensate for his previous weak will. This led to some situations which definitely had an element of 'forced' which disturbed me.

Historical novels always run into the danger of cliché and one annoying one Jermyn had was having a hang-up over his mother, thinking she's a whore. There was a danger of it blending in with a lot of other historicals but quirks of wit and beauty with the writing distinguished it. I think she did a good job with exploring her characters -- which included not forcing me to like them. Amy's double background felt real with her flashbacks and the person she has become is implicit in all her actions.

I do want to read the next book, there was a thrilling taster of our next hero; who sounds like he has a bit more genuine darkness and balls in him than this one.

This book gets 3 out of 5 manacles from me.

Signs

Here's a cute little movie about two people falling in... like/love:



I suppose it's a reflection of getting to know someone online in a way. I feel like there was a little bit of suspense in the end left.

I think, though, it highlights how a guy who just doesn't go for it is badly disabled. How realistic is this short?

Alphas, Hot Pink and Mullets, Oh My!

Hey, guys. There's an excerpt from the Smart Bitches' upcoming on the publishers website. It's a beautiful introduction to the romance genre and its readers.

So if you're thinking 'why do you read that romance crap?', 'who are these Smart Bitches?', 'Pfft, women are completely unaware of their own sexuality; they like alphas but they don't know it', 'I wish you'd swear more' or 'Only undersexed, undereducated women love romances like an addict loves his crack!' then that introduction is for you.

Medschool & "Sex Wars": A Collection

Lecturer A (male): "Women live longer than men... probablybecauseyouladiesdon'thavetodoanywork"

*protestations from the audience who heard him despite the fast guilty talking*

Lecturer A: "I know what you girls are thinking; you're thinking 'I can't believe he just said that.' *guy-caught-in-the-cookie-jar-unregretful-grin* My wife would kill me!"

~~~

Later in the lecture, Lecturer A says: "Married men live longer; it makes no difference to married women. Probablybecausethey're too busy chasing all those guys with abundant spermatogenesis I mentioned in the previous slides. God, this is turning into a misogynist lecture, isn't it?"

~~~

Lecturer B (male): "Believe me, those guys that work in [insert noble profession here] are really stupid. My ex worked for them and she's... *long pause* yeah, she's not very bright."

*everyone laughs*

Lecturer B: "The divorce was amicable."

~~~

Psychiatrist A(male): "Boys are a little bit slow in many things. Let's not get into it."

~~~

Psychiatrist A: "The peak age of bullying is around eight years old. That is when boys hang around [only] with boys. After seven years of age, boys become more scared of girls than girls are scared of them."

~~~

Psychiatrist A: "How we apply Freud's theories [...] is that the mother must let go of her boy and the father must claim him away from the mother so that he can choose to emulate his father at the expense of his mother's attention [..] They [Oedipean boys] form relationships with women that are more mother and a child rather than a man and woman."

~~~

Lecturer C (female): [on molar pregnancies] "Female DNA is necessary for human life. There have been cases of successful parthenogenesis; where female DNA only creates life. When sperm combines with another sperm, what you get is a cancerous mole. Only female DNA is necessary for human life."

~~~

I don't think this needs that much commentary! I'll leave that, and picking apart individual points, to you.

Series Romance: Oh No!

Mills & Boon (also known as Harlequin outside the UK) have reached sixty years in the industry and have released sixteen free ebooks representing a good selection of their lines; this offer can be found here.

Of course, this has occasioned commentary on category romance, some of which can be found here*. One quotation in particular drew attention:
'Like some sort of love-peddling drug dealer, the company often gives away free books, hoping to get readers hooked.'

This sentence describing a sensible business model used by every industry reveals an attitude to the these books that I can't say is uncommon. Have you come across a reference to a publishing houses peddling classics like they're some sort of drug? There's this image of addiction to category romance as if it's a horrible drug of abuse that poisons the mind. The implication is: surely you have to be stupid, wanting a cheap thrill or helplessly addicted to "want that stuff".

The image of series romances and the people who read them isn't pretty, especially here in the United Kingdom. This isn't helpful especially since as soon as you mention 'romance', 'The Millionaire's Virgin Mistress's Baby Surprise' pops into the person's mind. There seems to be a prevalent pride in the country's literary heritage and thus a lot of emphasis on maintaining an image of taste and discernment; literature and literacy are closely bound to class. Who reads category romance in the eyes of the English public? The elderly population, which the pervading culture has much contempt for.

Of course, it's simply not true that it is the province of the elderly. Romance is a vastly appealing genre and I've seen my share of young women "secretly" indulging; you could get an M&B romance for 25p at charity stores if you wanted. I went through phases where I'd buy several at a time during my schooling, at my local charity stores.

There are two important points I want to bring across. Firstly, whatever genre or publisher a person reads implies next to absolutely nothing about their personality or their tastes. You have no clue what they're reading for: is it for a happy ending, for reading about the dynamics of forming a relationship, for the thrill, for the tension, for the author's writing style, for curiosity or for the hero? It doesn't even imply if they're heterosexual or not.

It's a rare thing for someone who reads M&B publications to read that alone. Because I read M&Bs or even the romance genre as a whole, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate 1984's groundbreaking ideas. It doesn't mean I'm allergic to conventionally 'good literature'. It may mean that UK bookshelves have been absolutely bare in the romance section except for some barely qualifying chick lit and M&Bs until very recently. Seriously, I'd go to my library and all I'd find in romance would be M&Bs and Nora Roberts.

If you read a certain genre or publisher, I do not automatically assume that you love everything about the genre and that publisher. I expect you to find books you absolutely hate or are completely indifferent to; if you didn't, that's when I would suspect that you lacked taste. A person who loves all romance is just like a person who loves all the classics or all sci-fi; they're equally undiscerning. It's amazing what newspapers and magazines some people read while snobs about other people's reading choices: You're reading The Sun, The Daily Mail or Take a Break; yet you have the gall to criticise?

Secondly, these books are diverse. There will be some that are terribly written and some that are brilliantly descriptive, dealing with sensitive subjects and even controversial ones. Like everything, there's a bell curve to the quality of these books. There will be a following for a certain author on the imprint: take Penny Jordan or Carole Mortimer. Every time I buy one, it's a risk, and one I'm willing to take because it doesn't take me long to finish the thing. It's a wonderful medium for authors to push the boundaries of the subject matter and explore topical issues; buying cheaply in bulk allows this creative freedom. There were category romances set around Hurricane Katrina, for example. Category romance is often the launching platform for an author to publish romance novels in the more traditional novel formats; relying on their name rather than the publisher's imprint. Examples off the top of my head include JR Ward (as Jessica Bird) and Nora Roberts.

It's all about looking for that new turn of phrase, that new plotline, that new issue, that new hero, that new setting and that new hero instead of sticking with well-known, well-worn, well-tried (frankly boring?) conventional literary formulae which focus on the negatives and the supposedly deep symbolism of smoking marijuana while hanging upside down from a tree above a bloodred river in India, while embarking on a soulsearching expedition provoked by the protaganist's uncle who has declared to his estranged wife and five children that he is gay. (Summary: writers going for 'high literature' can be very crap and pointless)

Despite all the subtleties of the romance genre and its core influence on English literature, all its variations and the fussiness of its readers -- despite all this -- the continuing perception that all romance is just porn for women, will probably just continue...

* [props to Smart Bitches for highlighting this article]

Marry Me

Check out this video roissy posted.

Island guy reminds me of an experience I once had:

I'm walking out of a private hospital catering to rich international people. There's this sixty year old man in a wheelchair just outside the entrance, smoking, with some beefy guy behind him. He calls me over, and starts talking to me in Arabic.

Him: "Do you work here?"

"I'm doing some work experience..."

"Where you from?"

"*insert my Arabic country of origin here*"

"Who're you living here with?"

"My mother."

"Ah, I see. I'm a sheikh. I'm looking for a new wife..." *he pauses* "I want to speak to your parents."

"*shock* Um, n-no but thank you... "

I then disappear very quickly.

My mother's reaction to this: " A sheikh! You could've let him have our number! Even if it wasn't you, maybe we could have your aunt set up. So old; but he was a sheeikh." She then promptly disappears with her phone with a "Guess who just got proposed to by a sheikh?"