Friday, April 17, 2009

Susan Boyle & Beauty

I have moved this post to, and probably all future posts.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

11p. Yay.

Greetings from

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Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels
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Monday, April 13, 2009

Pick Up Line

Just saw a glimpse from a show called Ibiza Uncovered II:

The man physically takes a piece of ice, steps on it then says 'Now that I've broken the ice, let's get busy.' He then completes this with some sort of bow-legged pose.

The pain. Go help these people. Someone. Anyone.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Amazon Fail

If you've not heard of it, beloved Amazon has done something very naughty.

Here is the definition inspired by this: Amazon Rank

So, what do you think is most effective? Petitions, complaints to customer services or Google Bomb?

Why, Amazon, why?

Price of Passion by Susan Napier

I decided to read the free Harlequin Presents ebook (out of 16 total all on this page here) offered as part of their 60th anniversary. Since so many books have the feminist criticism, I'm trying to do it from the pick-up artistry criticism angle. This is difficult because I'm a) not male b) not a pick-up artist (PUA). But, what the heck, I'll have a go.

Ch 1 & 2

Terms like 'neg', 'kino', 'SWPL' and 'bitch lawyer' have been floating through my consciousness. He's already been spotted with a hot half-naked redhead. It's not even page 28. The hero's already been a total angry man (aka Drake) and our heroine (aka Kate) is lying to the man's face, criticising him for suspecting her lies. It's all full of brilliant sexual tension, but a bit heavy on the infodumpage.

There's already a teeny twist not suggested by the way this thing began (but by other things such as blurbs. You don't read those, do you, you just skip straight to chapter 1!): these guys have history, which explains their wierdness to each other.

I like this Drake-delivered line: 'Don't tell me you're on one of those new faddy diets your mother is always suggesting you take. What is it this time -- South Pacific Colony? Kidney-cleansing Vegan?'

So far, Drake has been a bit heavy with the presumed 'negative' in 'neg'. Although he seems to have some basis for this. After accusing our Kate of being a consummate actress, he says:

‘So you just went ahead and trotted out your cheerful little spiel as blandly as if I was someone you’d never met before rather than the man you’ve been sleeping with for the past two years.’
Yeah, girl, what's up with that? She gives as good as she gets, implying he's paranoid and needs to be taken away by the men in white coats he threatened her with for her stalkery ways.

Her inner femininity is fighting off the bitch-ed her mother has given her, including such gems as 'Don't get mad, get even.' Ice cool sophistication is what she's fighting for, with Kate trying to speak about their history in business-like relationship terms. The man's not letting her have any of it, gets under her skin, confusing her about how he wants her to act and pissing her off.

One thing that romance novel heroes tend to have is a deep voice. I have an acquaintance who is nicknamed after a certain animal known for its high squeaks. He does not attract the women. Men, deepen your voice.

Ah, Drake has just used his eyes to caress without a touch. PUAs have probably talked about this. It's creepy if you don't establish attraction first. It really is. Please don't use admiring female anatomy as an opener.

Drake now negs her choice in clothing (well known by PUAs):
‘Bright, splashy colours suit you rather well in this setting. That dress makes you look very much the part…’ he trailed off suggestively and she obligingly snapped at the bait.
‘What part?’
‘The young, frivolous holiday-maker out looking for trouble.’
‘I’ve never been frivolous in my life,’ said Kate, offended.
He compounded the offence with a mocking grin that creased the sunfolds at the outer corners of his eyes. ‘Sorry, perhaps I should have said “carefree”…’
A lot he knew! ‘And I’m not “looking for trouble”, either,’ she added, far less sincerely.
Beautifully carried out if I say so myself. He's not outright insulting her and the long top-down look he gave her showed appreciation, but he's not really complimenting her either. He adjusts his language if she got offended by it, not acutally retracting what he said. The man's clearly not sorry. Now he takes her through a 'rollercoaster of emotion' (should be well-discussed between PUAs):

‘No? What about your handsome young fisherman?’
‘What?’ She took a moment to trace the origins of his non sequitur. ‘That was a joke.’
‘Was it?’
His cynical response make her hackles rise. ‘You know it was!’
‘Do I? ’He lowered his chair with a thud and leaned forward on the table, the amusement wiped from his face.‘Because it’s not as if there’s anything to hold you back from experimenting.We never promised each other total fidelity, did we, Kate?’

The man does not miss one verbal beat. Did I mention he's an author by trade in this novel? Unfortunately, Drake won the little verbal battles but not the match. Kate sensed what he was fishing for: her to go crazy and go madly jealous. She ended up with exaggerated calm, telling him that he could have his women and do his 'experimenting -- offshore'; this made poor Drake slip a little and lose his cool. She got control of her hormones long enough to point out how he was losing his cool and had just been causing a scene. Sorry, Drake. No sugar for you.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Female Crying

I just saw this tweet and wondered. I know men are uncomfortable around crying but would you rather your significant other did it away from your view?

What's the point of a manly chest if you can't use it for crying upon? Go on, men, tell me what you'd want your significant other to do.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Classic Beta Plays

When you think of the beta: don't think of the romantic guy who knows what, when and how to do the right thing. Think more of the outcast, strange and unfit teenager who is hopelessly in lust with a bitchy cheerleader, labelling this 'love'.

Persistence (anti)game
There is a guy I think we may all know: perhaps he's a friend, or perhaps he's an acquaintance. Perhaps it happened to you or perhaps it happened to someone else. He will not give up. He will be there; he'll wait until you think he's given up but he hasn't. You will move countries, forget to take contact details and he will find you, possibly following you. Sometimes you feel like the lines into stalking may have been crossed. He will remain your friend, and you will have to be a complete and utter unsubtle bitch to get rid of him. He will take care not to cross that line. He will repeatedly reassure you of his affection, be the first to rush in at the remotest hint of emotional vulnerability, be the first to scoop you up on any rebound by being a 'nice guy'. He will think of himself as your valiant hero, there to rush in when you suffer. Let's be honest about what he's thinking here: he is alternately blaming you, being bitter at your -- to his mind -- cruel inattention or rejection and lusting after you. You represent something to him and he probably does not have a realistic picture of you. He is being obsessive and unstable. You will think his intentions are pure, that he is the nicest guy around but remember this: he is self-serving. He sticks with you because he knows that attrition will eventually win. It is a huge probability that he does not love you and that he simply can't find any women to distract from his attentions; they reject him and he uses you as a justification for this. He rationalises it is not that they reject him, it is that he is hung up on you so that his heart is not into it. He justifies the raft of alternate women he pursued by likening them to you (notice: they are nothing like you, except for select physical features). Stay away from a persistence man -- try to cut him off but if you cannot -- do not under any circumstances turn to him when you need someone. He will exploit this and you will regret it. Remember everything about what turns you off about him and don't let the rose-tinted glasses of friendship make you forget them: is he overemotional, clingy, strange in any way, odd-looking, abrasive, unempathetic, prone to misunderstanding or misinterpretation, overtly analytical of your actions or words, self-obsessed, excessively self-pitying, uneducated, unambitious, dependent, unfit, immature, moody, showing signs of suffering from a mental illness? Err on the side of being harsh.

He is not and will not be a friend; regardless of how friendly he pretends to be. He is poison.